Completion

photo via Pinterest.

"The less I needed, the better I felt." 

-Charles Bukowski

I have long identified myself as "a marketing major's dream come true." I am SO that girl who sees a celebrity wearing something and immediately goes to find a version of it online. If something is shiny- I look. I fall for EVERYTHING. I actually stopped buying flashier magazines because I finally realized how badly I was being duped into buying things that didn't really work. It hasn't only been the fashion aspect; when it comes to beauty products I'm a super sucker. There is a simple recipe for great skin, hair, and nails, and it does NOT stem from using the latest berry extract from some new desert flower. My sister went to a dermatologist who told her something that made more sense than anything I've ever heard, which I'll paraphrase as, "I'll lose a lot of my business by admitting this- but drinking water is the greatest beauty trick on Earth. I can tell if a woman is drinking enough water as soon as she walks in the door." Considering that our bodies are made up of nearly 90% water- it seems so obvious. But the consumer-driven marketplace pushes us to believe that we need a medicine cabinet full of ingredients that we can't pronounce in order to preserve ourselves. It's crazy, manipulative, and sort of sad. But you know what? I fall for it, 9 out of 10 times. I'm ashamed to admit that I've spent so much money on stuff that was such a waste. Worst of all, in the end it's been my tried-and-true stuff that I return to. I've purchased a $50 face wash, only to discover that my $7 Neutrogena stuff makes my skin look ten times better. And no ocean-moisturizer has compared to some of the Garnier products that I've used.

It's really tough for me to keep my inner-consumer at bay. I always feel like I have this weird need to buy the next big thing. Most recently- I had to get rid of one of my store credit cards to avoid using it to online shop when I'm bored. It was that compulsive. I would see a jacket somewhere, and go to this website to find a similar one (because they have EVERYTHING). And I'll admit it: it makes me sad that I don't have product A, B, or C. But I also should admit that buying that stuff in the first place was an unhealthy addiction. I would literally get this whole, "This is so wrong!" high from spending money that I knew I ought to be saving, and I'd hit that "Submit" button with a strange combination of self-loathing and excitement. It IS sad, and embarrassing ... but true. It's taking practice to see something I like and not seek it out for purchase right away. Part of me gets really sad to not be getting shiny packages in the mail. But an even bigger part of me feels SO good when I see my statements with a consistently low-to-zero balance on them.

There's a quote from Fight Club that says, "the things you own end up owning you," and that couldn't be more true. We don't need all of these THINGS. We need to have less- to 'need' less- in order to be more happy. When we can lose that dependency on ownership in order to make us feel complete, we can finally be satisfied with what we already have. It's not about getting things to make us happy, it's about being happy with what we already have. Anything past what comes easy is a gift, a bonus. I am not advocating that we stop pushing ourselves to achieve or advance, only that we first accept a fulfillment with our lives as they exist and not assume that more=better. There is a peace in simplicity that dwarfs the joy you feel by owning a bunch of "things."

Don't seek out completion from the future...live for today, for this moment is The Complete.

Saw (and fell in love with) this post today on Coffee Stained Cashmere's Tumblr. So I decided that I would share it with you.

So often we try to make other people feel better by minimizing their pain, by telling them that it will get better (which it will) or that there are worse things in the world (which there are). But that’s not what I actually needed. What I actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered. I have found this very useful to think about over the years, and I find that it is a lot easier and more bearable to be sad when you aren’t constantly berating yourself for being sad.

John Green 

If you felt pain through a difficult experience: it means that it mattered. 

And that's OKAY to care about something. 

It's okay to let things matter.

photo found Here.

The Best Day.

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours. It is an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.

- Bob Moawad (via floralnymph)

Even Artichokes Have Hearts.

I want to start off by saying that I feel guilty that I consistently post links to other people's stuff on here. But you know... inspiration comes from somewhere. I honor the person who can find it within themselves on a constant basis, but that person isn't me. So, you know... I'm guilty of being inspired.
Today I was reading THIS, again. I love this website. It makes you think, and I suppose that reading it has become such a habit for me for that reason alone. What can I say? I like to use my brain. If I had brain muscles, I'd want them to look like this:

...and then I'd be like, "whoa, Brain, I am impressed by your buffness. Now please go buy shoes that don't look like overturned canoes." 
Anyway, now that I've been overly creepy, I can get to my point. It's almost Valentine's day. My favorite holiday, and if you follow my blog you know that it has nothing to do with presents, boys, or fancy dinners for me. It DOES have to do with a day centered around opening yourself up and being loving with the people you care about. It's a celebration of heart and appreciation. I always sort of laugh at people who talk about it and say, "Well I don't celebrate Valentine's Day because it's a Hallmark holiday and I believe that EVERY day should be special." I call bull. But then again, if I had the opportunity to celebrate Easter, my Birthday, and 4th of July every day- I totally would. I never understood why anyone would protest the opportunity to spend an entire day focused on having a great time. Why would you want to be like, "I want to celebrate our love October 2nd-8th-and 29th, but NOT February 14th, because other people do that and our love is way more evolved than everyone else's"...? What a hipster thing to say.
Aside from the cynicism I may have against people who pit themselves against Valentine's day (because, whatever, to each his own), I enjoy it. Let me explain why...
I believe in expressing emotion. I think that when you feel some way about another person, you should man up and tell them. Anybody who knows me can attest that I am the girl who sends you a text, email, or letter- just to let you randomly know that I think you're great. My parents were very good about letting all five of their kids know that they were loved. Not obsessively, but calm reminders that we were each special. Every time I get off the phone with someone in my family, I tell them that I love them. You know why? Because I think it's important.
But as much as I consider myself honest and open and vulnerability-addicted... I'm really not as open as I'd like to think I am. People consider vulnerable people to be kind of crazy. It's against "the norm" to admit to somebody that you think they're the absolute greatest thing on Earth. I mean, lets face it: 9 out of 10 people (who drink) tell their "boo" that they love them for the first time when they're intoxicated (see: schmammered). It's just the nature of the beast.
Because feelings are HARD. So much so that Psychology is one of the most compacted majors in colleges nation-wide. We want to "get" ourselves.
"And now," "I will be using," "entirely too many quotations." Sorry, I do that some times...
We want so badly to understand why we say or do or feel the things that we do- because we're either afraid of expressing it or we're confused about where it stems from. We don't want to admit that when X did Y to us, we felt Z about it- and now, ten years later, we still have problems doing A, B and C. On the opposite end of that spectrum, we have these feelings. We just HAVE them. And, maybe as a result of responses we've had to expressing emotion in the past, we're downright terrified to manifest them to other people. The irony is that the root of the majority of our problems lies in the need to feel loved, or to feel that we belong somewhere. So we hibernate our emotions because we are petrified of rejection and alienation. We HIDE because we secretly want TO BE SEEN. Crazy, right? I know.
It's like the Facebook conundrum... we post these pictures where our lives look SO perfect. But, I mean... come on. I've got PicMonkey (and eyeballs). I know that you're not really as tan/skinny/flawless as you post on your page. I know you're trying to be, and that's GREAT. But in the mean time, you and I are the same. Imperfect. But we see everyone else in these facades and feel like WE'RE supposed to look that way. So we continue to edit ourselves to fit in to the norm. And the irony is that we become that norm, but not in the way we'd expect. We're all imperfect. We're all scared. We all want to fit in and be loved and to look smokin' hot on the beach in St. Tropez. So we put on our brave little faces and we smile and we do our best impersonation of perfection. And in that way- we are the same. Trying. Hoping. Aiming for greatness.
I guess, in some strange way, that's what I love about Valentine's Day. In a world so scared to show our real selves, that day acts as a reminder to be vulnerable. To tell someone that we think they're great, even the other 364 days of the year when they're not "On." I admire people who have the courage to just admit how they feel. To just be themselves and admit that they care, or that they're terrified, or that they're perhaps even unhappy and in need of help. I believe that the admission of love allows one to open themselves up to the possibility of rejection, and that's a risk that only an incredibly brave person is willing to take. That vulnerable love is, in my opinion  one of the greatest gifts someone can give another. "I love you enough to trust you with my feelings, hoping only that you'll nurture them and treat them kindly." That gift becomes yet another example of irony because, in that moment, Vulnerability becomes Strength.

Writing.

photo credit: unknown

Today I was re-inspired by THIS. It reminded me that no matter how popular what I write may be- whether I've got 2 views on this entry or 1,000 views on it- I am a writer. This is what I do.
My earliest memory of being a writer was when I was in the 4th grade and had submitted a story for a school district-wide writing fair. I honestly can't even remember what I wrote about (I guess I should go dig through my parent's memorabilia). What I do remember that I won an award for it. That may have been the first time I realized that I not only liked this, but was kind of good at it.
I kept a journal on a hard disc on my prehistoric computer from middle school up until after I graduated High School. I still have that disc. It was kept on a disc for a number of reasons. One being that I couldn't bear the idea of my sister finding my precious Hello Kitty diary when keys to ALL Sanrio Surprises diary locks were universal (single-handedly promoting adolescent snooping, in my 5th grade opinion). I also remember that writing by hand was tiresome for me... maybe I was lazy, maybe I've always just felt that writing on a computer was easier to edit when I realized how silly my ideas sounded- even to me.
I still keep an online journal when I feel the need to write, and whenever I'm faced with a dilemma  my writing has helped me sort out my own thoughts when I couldn't know myself any other way. Writing has, on so many occasions, saved me. Maybe that's why I've always loved it so much. Being the self-critic that I am, my own thoughts have always been there for me when I've needed a guide... someone who wouldn't agree with the status quo just to appease me. I'm sure that sounds crazy- but it's true.
I've never sugar coated things to myself (or to anyone else, for that matter)... it's never been my strong point. I'm pretty fact-based and I play the Devil's Advocate more often than not, just to be fair from all points of view. I'd like to think my writing has shown that throughout the years, but there's a good chance it just makes me look confused and nutty in retrospect. I can't even being to tell you how many blogs I'll go back and read, only to think, "WTF is she even talking about...?" Ha!
But it's important to have some faith in myself, and to know that even on occasions when I'm the only one who understands what I'm writing- that's okay. I am a writer. It's taken me years to realize that this is my passion, or maybe to understand how important it is to HAVE a passion. But now I know:

I am a writer.

A Good Life.

Humblebrag.

I read an article today (you can find it HERE) which talks about a type of behavior called "Humblebragging." To paraphrase: it's when somebody brags about something they've done by trying to sound humble/annoyed about it, more or less as a reason to blast about it on the internet. For example, "Getting up at 8am on a Saturday is a bummer, good thing it's for charity!"
At first, I kind of said to myself, "ugh- what an annoying behavior. But I know I do it too... time to clean up my act!" But upon reflecting on it, I started to wonder... IS it really necessary? And if there's a fine line of necessity  where is that line drawn?
I grew up in a home where a lot of religious lessons were taught. I don't think it matters which religion, because many of the fundamental lessons remain the same throughout most, including one of humility. My siblings and I were raised that we ought to remain humble, selfless, and introspective. Perhaps this is where I get a lot of my passion for self-awareness and improvement. I learned that it was important that I perform kind acts- ones of service- without expectation for any return. Even as an adult, we learn that the key to IN-dependence (as opposed to CO-dependence) is to do what we will without expecting another person to react in the way we hope they will. A good deed should cultivate to simply a good deed; one performed for self-fulfillment and good will to others ONLY.
It wasn't until I got older and entered into the workplace that I began to question that "fact." I've read numerous articles discussing office politics and the fact that employers tend to let your "above and beyond" type behaviors fall by the wayside unless you point them out. I'm sure some lucky people out there have Employee Reviews, but I am not one of them. So if I do something worthy of praise (or a promotion), I have to emphasize it to my boss lest he not even notice it in the first place. Some people take that to the next step (which I find unethical) and exaggerate the strain of their daily tasks in order to seem more valuable. Potato, po-tot-o.
The point is, sometimes, it might BE necessary to brag about the things we do. But where's that line? I may need to casually mention that I took out the trash all week at my house in order for my roommates to realize that they've been a little bad about it. Sure, I could get confrontational and turn it into a complaint, but who wants to nag? LET THE RECORD STATE: This is not an issue at my house, we're all very respectful of who needs to be tidy and pitch in.
But then you have your avid Facebookers (and I admit that I'm guilty of this on occasion too) who feel the need to toot their own horn about how great their lives are, just in case not everyone and their mothers already knew.
Yes, I have a few of my friend's Moms on my page. THEY requested ME, sooo... yeah, it's still weird.  
I posted something the other day- complete classic example- about how I was willing to sacrifice being cold so that I could have my bedroom window open to hear the ocean from my house. How much more manipulative can I be? I CERTAINLY didn't want you to have THIS inner monologue:
Oh, it's cold there, huh? Wait, she lives close enough to the ocean that she can hear waves breaking from her bedroom window? What a bitch! She is sooooooo lucky! *LIKE*. When will Facebook make the Triple Like button? Or how about the Fake 'Like' Even Though I'm Horribly Jealous button? Oh, well. *Smiley Emoticon*...
I'm sorry. But that's what my high-school-mentality brain wanted you to say. I took down the post the next day, having realized that it was bratty and show-offy in it's entirety.

Which brings me to another thought: we accomplish things in our lives in order to be proud of them. So is the adult thing to do just to keep that to ourselves, in order to avoid being a showy brat? Or do we earn the right to brag about our hard work (or sometimes downright luck) to other people? And if we can't discuss our achievements  or our luck, are we destined to ONLY post pictures of our children and our cats online? It seems like someone has something negative to say about every type of post on the various social media sites... "She's bragging," "He's depressing," "Stop taking pictures of food..." What is appropriate to talk/post about? Where is the limit?
I guess there isn't one. I think one of the addicting things about social media sites is the ability for them to be unpredictable, consistently debatable, and a daily dose of the "how dare they!" Somehow the daily blast of blatant insecurity makes us all feel... more secure. We all feel the same, on a fundamental level, most of the time. We all need to be noticed, via one type of megaphone or another. And even if we keep it to ourselves, I think that seeing it out there from other people makes becomes comforting- knowing that we're all these kind of weird, insecure, needy beings... just searching for the approval that we did something worthwhile at 6:52 pm.

Living.

"We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive." 

— Thich Nhat Hanh 

(Source: theselittlewondersstillremain, via alexandersattler)

I don't know about you, but this holiday season was ROUGH on me. I usually just stay home for the holidays, surrounded by my Mom's cooking which, bless her heart, isn't generally something we tend to overindulge on. Not to mention that it's a one-day affair for Thanksgiving as well as Christmas, and after that I'm in the clear as far as snacking goes.
Not this year.
This year I went to a cabin in Big Bear for Thanksgiving. It was amazing. We had a group of about 10 people and included some of the best "foodies" I know. We ate, we drank, we slept. Some people went hiking. I, however, did not. Fail. Christmas was in Ohio and I spent over a week having my entire schedule revolve around food... What? Where? When? How much? Just kidding, "how much" was never a question. We just ate. And ate some more. Then we sat inside because it was cold outside. It was not me peaking, nutritionally.
So obviously, I'm feeling a little bit... Well Fed. I don't think it's as bad as all of that, but for someone who can tell when I've gained even as little as two or three pounds, I'm definitely feeling it after the past month or so. So now what?
I'm trying a few things. For one, I've been following a Pescatarian lifestyle for the past week and a half. It's been surprisingly easy, and it makes me happy to know that I'm lowering my fat content by steering clear of heavy meats. HOWEVER, I have to wonder if not eating chicken or turkey is pushing me to eat more grains by way of veggie alternatives. And if so, is that healthier? I've never been a big carb person, so I worry if that's the best approach for me. I think I'll give it a month (total) and see how my body looks and feels.
I have also gotten back into doing yoga (and a little Pilates) at home. The video above is NOT where I'm at with my practice, but it's definitely inspiring. I found this post  on Pinterest, which is also really inspiring me to take healthier steps with my fitness levels and overall outlook:

photo credit: unknown

There are a few good fitness and healthy-eating websites, too, which I've been looking at. Feel free to check them out Here and Here. And if you've got any tips that work for you, PLEASE let me know. Thanks!

Music

Does anyone else feel like they spend DAYS just sucked into a musical rabbit hole? Because I do. Granted I work for an entertainment magazine, so it's sort of my job to know about music. But even before I started doing that I was more or less obsessed with music. I can remember the days when I would sit in my sister's room while she was at cheer practice- her radio stuffed with a blank cassette tape- and I would wait until "That Song" came on the radio so I could record it. I still have songs from the 90s that I don't know the intro to because I didn't quite catch the whole thing. I remember sitting in my brother's room (because apparently I spent a lot of my childhood invading my sibling's personal space) listening to Morrissey and They Might Be Giants.
Some people get stirring cravings for comfort food; I get them for comfort music. And movies, but I wont even get started with movies because that's a whole new can of worms.
Now that Spotify is on my radar, I pretty much spend all of my time browsing music and listening to new songs and artists I hadn't heard of before. Youtube is great for that too, fyi. Anyways, without further adieu, here are a few songs on repeat this month (so far). Let me know if you like the idea of me posting these and I can do it more frequently.