Good Job.

While I really should be simple and just write a post about my trip to Colorado, I kind of don't feel like it. I will more likely than not add something here about that tomorrow.

What I will talk about is an interesting conversation I had with my sister, Charity. She told me that my dad had told her an analogy where we all skied. Ky skied down the mountain, effortlessly and gracefully, and everyone was shocked because he was such a laid back person that no one expected him to be so great at it. Charity skied down the mountain, carefully and precisely. When she got to the bottom, she stopped and looked around to see if anyone noticed how well she had done. But rather than approval, Ryan flew by her on his skis. He passed where she stopped with big hurrah and flair, and then turned past him to ask Charity what was taking her so long to get to the bottom. Charity didn't get into what Jill was doing on the slopes... but knowing her it was something along the lines of being social with a big group of people. Then, apparently, my dad ended his story with me, saying, "And of course Megan just wasn't there."

Now I can get into the whole part about me not being there but that would just end up being some long analytical story about my childhood or my relationship with my family. I'd rather address the part my sister and I talked about after that.

I mentioned to Charity that I never thought of her as the type to seek approval. She replied that she always heard from people how "together" she had it. Everyone constantly tells her how good she is with her money, or how perfect her family is, or how together she has it... but the reality is that none of those things are 100% ALL of the time, and when they are close to it- it takes her a LOT of work to get there. I'm sure just about anyone can relate to that part of the conversation. She said that a lot of the time, people just expect her to get it right, and so when she does it isn't a big deal or a surprise. But in reality, all she wants is for someone to tell her, "hey- you worked really hard there and it turned out great." Some validification.

And so on to my next topic: the very same validification. How underestimated it is. I know that I don't ask for it, but I crave it. I want someone to tell me, "Wow, Megan... I'm noticing what you're doing." It's also funny because in order for our society to see us as 'humble,' we take those comments from people and reflect them with a grain of salt. Example:
"Hey, Sarah, I really enjoyed your speech in class today. I could tell you worked really hard on it and I thought it turned out fantastic."
"Oh, gosh, yea it was alright... I totally messed up at the end, though."

Did you notice what happened there? I mean, this chick could have spent days on her speech, and whether or not it was perfect, she DID work hard on it. When someone tells her it was great, she ought to have replied with something like, "Really? Thanks so much! I worked my ass off, it's cool that you appreciated it."

Why do we work so hard for someone to notice us, only to downplay it when they do? I think we believe that if we agree that we did something great we will come off as arrogant or self-absorbed. The fact is that we are neither. I also think that may be why people don't compliment each other as often as they should... because the response is never what it should be. No one is saying your life has to be perfect. No one is telling you that you should be turning water to wine or some other such biblical miracles... you are not an all-perfect being. And that's totally fine. I wrote a piece on friendship a few years back that mentions that a true friend will pick you up when you fall because they know you are not perfect- but they DID see you try. So when we TRY to do something great, and a friend takes notice... don't brush off their attention because your efforts fell short. Instead reflect their optimism like a mirror and thank them for it.

I kind of bounced around on this post, but I hope it makes you think at least a little!

Freedom from unhappiness

I read a note from author Eckhart Tolle that read (and I am paraphrasing):

"Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it."

I had to read this through a couple of times before I could fully grasp it, but once I thought hard about what he meant, it really does make a lot of sense. Don't seek happiness (...) but freedom but unhappiness. Have you ever noticed that it is much easier to recognize a time in your life when you were happy far after the fact? Like when you are miserable, it seems so easy to look back and think, "man, I remember when I was ___ years old, I was so much happier then..." That is because happiness is elusive. While you are at your happiness, you are usually seeking for even more joy, and often times not fully embracing the joy that you currently have in your grip. And so you search and search for the next big thing, in actuality: seeking for happiness. But what if we stopped looking for it? And rather... just did what we could to rid our lives of whatever unhappiness lies within them. It may sound crazy, but in focusing on the bad in our lives, and by ridding ourselves of it, we make room for the good to fall into place.

For example: lets say that I have a friend or a job that I can't stand. That "negative" in my life is continually causing me stress or hardship, emotionally exhausting me. Rather than keep that toxicity in my life and looking for more things to add to cover it up, why not purge my life of that person/situation and make room and time for a job or a friend who would be a positive influence on my life? The same can obviously go for toxic relationships with the opposite sex. Rather than date someone who treats me poorly or ignores my needs, why not ex that person from my life and make room for someone who would uplift me and enrich my life?

I think women fall into this trap in particular more than we would like to admit. We meet "Prince Charming" and find out that he has a few flaws. We lie to ourselves and say that they will change, or even worse that we can change them. We focus on looking forward, in "finding the happiness," and often spend months or years wasted on figuring out that people do not change unless they want themselves to. By looking at the situation and not 'finding' but instead recognising the unhappiness, we might save that time and effort by taking the unhappiness in our lives and ridding ourselves of it.

I guess the reason people don't do this more often is that ridding ourselves of unhappiness is often stressful (temporarily, most times), or uncomfortable, or perhaps makes ourselves and others sad. Basically it's just too hard, so we give up. We cover our world in pastels and flourescents and try to ignore the fact that some thigns make us miserable. We pretend that we're fine when we're not, or that we are having fun when we hurt.

Some more inspiration

...I borrowed this from a friend. I think I am in love with it.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.Strive to be happy.---"Desiderata", Max Ehrmann

Uh oh... deep thoughts ahead!

I have always been notorious throughout my friends for my ability to write out exactly what I am feeling but having an incredibly difficult time saying it verbally. Lori is convinced that I should write a book because my writing skills far surpass my ability to communicate them to people face to face. Hell, I even got a computer in my room without the Internet because I type faster than I write by hand. So I can now get out how I feel about situations and people as opposed to holding it all in my head or (heaven forbid) trying to explain them to some poor bastard of a sounding board.
My point is: I have a difficult time explaining myself. And my outlet is, more often than not, here. Today's entry is no different.
Today I am grateful for the small things that the people in my life do for me. I don't like to gush, and I don't like to talk about my personal life in certain aspects- but there is one particular person that I am grateful for today and that person probably has no idea. You see, I have always thought of myself as someone who notices things no one else sees. Where some girls will completely brush off little gifts or kind words from a guy, I will cherish them. I will notice you if you pick up something at the store "just because." I adore it when you ask me if I am comfortable when we are sitting together, especially when you are completely comfortable but you want to make sure that I don't need to adjust the way I'm sitting. Each and every single time a guy opens a door for me, I think to myself, "wow, this is so cool!"... no matter how many times it's been done. If you send me a text or an email, I will always notice that because I am so flattered that you took time out of your day to let me know you were thinking about me. I don't ask for big bouquets of flowers, or jewelry, or grandiose trips halfway across the world because I know what's important.
It's the little things that not every one else sees... nor should they, now that I think about it. The inside jokes, the hand-holding, the supportive presence at an event or place that the other person probably didn't want to be that day; these are what relationships are all about. And I think that this is why people become so twitterpaited during the beginning of relationships, because they are still taking the time to notice these little things rather than to get caught up in their busy little lives. I would like to think that I do a pretty good job of not getting caught up in all of that, though. Because to ME, life isn't about the infamous "big picture" at all. It's about the days, the minutes, and the moments. It's not about the summary on the back of your biography- it's about the pages written in the chapters of your life.
So thank you for making today's page a little bit sweeter.