Things I Learned in Costa Rica.

A sporadic blog entry, mainly for my own personal use.

I was lucky enough to take a trip to Costa Rica last week. My sister's family and I went to Puerto Viejo, where we stayed in a beach bungalow for 9 days. The whole experience was something to revel in. It was my second trip out of the country and of hopefully many more to come. While last years trip to Europe was something I will never forget- this year was different (as expected). One thing I noticed the most was how many people there were imports. I would say most of the people we met were from Canada, Nicaragua, and France. And everyone had the same story: I got tired of living that lifestyle, so I sold everything I had and moved down here to Costa Rica instead. It was such a simple solution (albeit I'm sure well planned and not inexpensive) and it really inspired me to feel like life doesn't have to be such a rat race. I think that it's easy to feel like we have limited options for where our lives will head and it's somehow shocking to discover that our own possibilities are limitless. It was also refreshing to realize that a simple life in a shack on the beach can far surpass one in an L.A. apartment complicated with bills and smog.

I'd like to eventually go into detail about the experience that I had, complete with descriptions of the people I met in the mere week that I was there. But today I want to talk about my lessons I took from my trip. I had a lot of time for self-reflection while I was in Central America, and I spent a portion of it reading Don't Sweat The Small Stuff (And It's All Small Stuff). Between those two contributors- I took more from this trip than any experience that I have had in a long time. Funny how a week can outweigh years of mixed emotions and cloudy thoughts. As in everything else in Costa Rica- time really was NOT of the essence. Here is a portion of what I took from my experience...

 1. Slow Down. When you go out to eat at any restaurant or "Fast Food" locale in Costa Rica, expect to be there a while. At first- it was annoying. You wait a long time for your waiter to take your order and even longer for your food and then your check. And you can probably complain, or become flustered that you're not at your next affair as quickly as you'd like to have teleported (LA/OC natives can relate)... but what's the rush? Things are going to happen when they happen, and most of the time- you're just going to have to accept that. Punctuality is overrated when it's not of the utmost importance.

2. Look Up. It's good to watch your step, but looking down at the ground makes it hard to see the things in the trees. When you least expect it, you might see a wild Three Toed Sloth, or a family of Monkeys. I mean it metaphorically as well as literally when I say: Look up. You don't want to miss the beauty in the trees.

3. Listen. Go to Costa Rica. Drive the 4-5 hour trek through the rainforest from San Jose to Puerto Viejo. As you drive down the main road, you'll pass a building on your left called the Zion Cafe. The owners there are an amazing couple who drove in a Jeep for 21 days from Canada so they could bring their Great Dane. The husband has kind eyes and the wife will talk to you for hours if you let her. Listen to her talk. She will not only be the friendliest woman you've ever met but she will tell you some stories that will make you want to be a better person. Stories about trips to India and building schools in third world countries and catching her husband eating the last of the imported ice cream that was meant to be sold to customers. She will get closer to you than you're used to when she talks, and she'll put her hand on your arm when she leans in and laughs- and you will love her for it. Listen to her because she will make you believe that you belong there, in the peace and in the sunshine of her rooftop cafe in Costa Rica.

4. Prioritize. There are so many times in my life when I've been known to make mountains out of molehills. But it's important to prioritize what you need to react to, and what things in your life are inconsequential for you to worry about. Choose your battles because the more time you spend worrying and stressing out about the things you can't control (or things that don't matter in the grand scheme of it all)- the less time you have to just sit back and enjoy the simple pleasure of a relaxed state of mind.

5.  No one is looking at you. When you don't have access to a mirror for 9 days, you've got two choices. Rock the bikini/short shorts, or don't. Don't worry too much about it or you'll miss the sunshine.

6. REALLY listen. Stop interrupting people when they speak. We all do it. When you interrupt or finish people's sentences what you're really saying is, "What I have to say is more important than what you have to say so I'm going to speed it along back to me." Thinking and speaking for two people is a lot of work, and doesn't negotiate much time for really listening to what the other person is saying in the first place. Take it easy, life isn't such a big rush.

7. Sometimes, there are bugs. Sometimes, there are 32 bug bites. Sometimes all the the mosquito netting, bug spray, bug band bracelets, and calamine lotion in the world can't help you. Sometimes there are just going to be bugs. And you just have to do everything in your power to not scratch and make them worse. Make peace with the bug bites in your life... because life is full of unavoidable annoyances.

8. Learn to sleep. It seems like a given, but sometimes it's not. When you're on a red eye from Denver and your book light is out. When you're cramped in a Hyundai and the only place for your legs is the ceiling of the car. When Howler Monkeys are yelling to you that it's 5am. When your legs itch and your bedsheets have sand in them and you've been awake since who-knows-how long... learn to sleep. Get the earplugs or the wine or the Melatonin. Just figure it out, you've got adventures tomorrow.

9. Indulge. Sometimes you just need a body treatment where they buff your entire body and then rub chocolate and natural oils into your skin. Sometimes you need to take an outdoor shower in the rainforest. You'll smell your arms for the rest of the day because they smell like cocoa and Jasmine, and the next time you're in your office in the stale air conditioning, you'll close your eyes and go back to this place. And no amount of shoes or Eat Chow or new edition iCrap in the world will ever come close to matching this memory. Although I encourage buying the Cold Pressed Coco Oil... it will help bring you back here.

10. THIS is what it's about. It isn't about what happened yesterday- or what you've got coming next week. Stop stressing about deadlines and worry lines and DMV lines. Stop wasting your money on clothes to flatter your waistline and make up to cover your under-eye circles. Who cares what you've done in your past or who you've been until now. Cut mental ties with the junk weighing you down... just sell it all and start fresh somewhere new. Don't have impossible expectations and Do make peace with the imperfections that are a part of life. Forget about wearing shirts and shoes and salon-quality hair products. Just. Be. Here. Now.

Final Thoughts.

A decision has been looming over me lately, one that I go back and forth on. I've been keeping this blogspot for 4 years now. I'm closing in on 10,000 hits; and for that I am beyond flattered. Who would have ever thought that anyone would care what some silly little girl from Orange County had to say about life in general.
But I find my words getting stale. The funny thing about keeping a blog is that no matter how many people are reading, you always sort of feel like what you're saying is falling on deaf ears. There's no real interaction outside of your monologues, aside from the occasional comment you get from someone who's got an extra ten minutes to respond to you. At the same time, you don't really get that release that you'd want from writing because you never know who is reading it. All I know is the numbers, not the people. I've had people that I don't even know tell me that they read my blog... and while that's a pretty cool thing, it's also sort of scary. I'm pouring out my inner most thoughts here, and I have no idea who I am revealing myself to so openly. It's a really strange feeling in general.
To top that off, I have this constant battle where I feel like I should be speaking more generically so that people will feel involved, and sometimes I actually feel guilty for talking about what my weekend plans were and the like. Some days I just don't have much to say, but I still post because I feel an obligation to not fall off the grid. Which, of course, is crazy speak.
On top of that whole aspect, I miss people. I miss actual people, not this cyber space social circle where we know about eachother's lives because of the Internet. I miss getting froyo and catching up with old friends from high school. I miss phone calls that begin with "what have you been up to?" rather than ones peppered with "Oh, I read about that online!" The only person I want to be telling people about my life is myself, because I miss physical companionship of having real life friends. Does that mean I will log off Facebook or any other networking sites? Probably not. I'm not quite ready for that yet. But I suspect it's time will come as well... someday.
I don't want to talk about my life, I want to be about my life. And that means that rather than talking about it on here, I want to be talking to you about it in person. Or having adventures with you. I talk about who I've been a lot on here, I know. But who I have been until the past year or two has been a dreamer. I've been a planner, and a wisher, and a lazy imagination. But the past few years have been some of the biggest in my life so far, filled with devastation and extreme reality but also some of the best friends I've ever made and adventures I never thought I'd experience. And if I've learned one thing more than anything else it's been that living the life I've been dreaming of is, in fact, possible. I just need to stop waiting around for it to happen and make my life unfold the way I want it to. Choosing my path is no one's job but my own.

photo credit: unknown

With that, I bid you adieu. And who knows- maybe I will be back to check in once in a while. Or maybe I will change my mind completely. But it's my hope that I wont be back, and you'll know if I'm not that it means I'm busy living my life instead.

Mountains.

I very much needed to hear this today, and I'm glad my DailyOm sent it to me.
(How do they always KNOW??)

"From the top of a mountain, we are able to witness life from a different perspective bringing us a new awareness.
Mountains have always captured our imaginations, calling us to scale their heights, to circle and worship at their feet, and to pay homage to their greatness. Mountains can be seen from thousands of miles away, and if we are lucky enough to be on top of one, we can see great stretches of the surrounding earth. As a result, mountains symbolize vision, the ability to rise above the adjacent lowlands and see beyond our immediate vicinity. From the top of the mountain, we are able to witness life from a new perspective—cities and towns that seem so large when we are in them look tiny. We can take the whole thing in with a single glance, regaining our composure and our sense of proportion as we realize how much bigger this world is than we sometimes remember it to be.
Mountains are almost always considered holy and spiritual places, and the energy at the top of a mountain is undeniably unique. When we are on top of a mountain, it is as if we have ascended to an alternate realm, one in which the air is purer and the energy lighter. Many a human being has climbed to the top of a mountain in order to connect with a higher source of understanding, and many have come back down feeling stronger and wiser. Whenever we are feeling trapped or limited in our vision, a trip to our nearest mountain may be just the cure we need.
There’s a reason that mountain views are so highly prized in this world, and it is because, even from a distance, mountains remind us of how small we are, which often comes as a wonderful relief. In addition, they illustrate our ability to connect with higher energy. As they rise up from the earth, sometimes disappearing in the clouds that gather around them, they are a visual symbol of earth reaching up into the heavens. Whether we have a mountain view out of our window or just a photograph of a mountain where we see it every day, we can rely on these earthly giants to provide inspiration, vision, and a daily reminder of our humble place in the grand scheme of life."

photo credit: unknown

Isn't it funny how much we struggle with what we don't have? I've been known to do this on more than one occasion. I see the people around me, especially in Orange County, and think "why don't I have these things?" And, honestly, I think that there is a level of validity to that. I think that we ought to always strive to better our lives. But sometimes I think I look to the wrong things to provide that sense of betterment. Or look so far past the blessings I've been given that I ignore them entirely. It's so important to realize that where you stand now isn't the top of your own personal mountain. And that once you do reach that place, you will probably giggle at all of the insecurities and pettiness that you held so closely. I can completely identify with the part of this quote that talks about a "limited vision," and I hope to be better at recognizing that I need to chill the eff out and let life take me on whatever ride it will. I will get to where I'm meant to, and the view of the valleys below will be breathtaking.

Advice Column.

So if any of you are like me, you've had great relationships and you've had crummy ones. A friend of mine is having a crummy one right now, and asked my advice. I don't want to get overly personal with it for privacy reasons, but I really feel like the advice I gave her is pretty good (is that arrogant to say?), and might be beneficial to anyone who reads this old thing. So I'm posting it here with some adlibs for her responses, in case anyone is interested.
Back Story: Her boyfriend told her that he needed more space, even though they only see eachother about once a week as it is. They have now gone over 4 weeks without seeing eachother, but are still texting and talking on the phone. She is starting to get antsy about it and wondering if this kind of relationship has a future or not.
You want my honest opinion?

You need to change your perspective on this WHOLE equation. I realize that you spent a good deal of time picturing your life with this guy, and when you invest that energy in someone, and have those expectations, it's hard to erase it and be happy with a blank slate of your future. It's downright terrifying, really. But you know what my immediate thought was when I read your email about you guys taking space? I saw you writing how he needed space (and seriously, a MONTH is a helluva lot of space if you ask me) and how he is doing so great now that he has that space. You also said that you're doing a lot of stuff, staying busy and enjoying your time. You're both doing BETTER without the relationship. So I guess my question is- why are you maintaining it? Shouldn't you both do what makes your lives easier and better? I know it sucks to think about a big change like that, but don't you want to be with someone who doesn't need to take a 4 week hiatus from your relationship whenever it gets tough? You obviously deserve better, and you know that. No matter how great he is, or what high points you two have had as a couple- where you got to together has now come full circle and in order to fulfill a really great life for yourselves- you need to let it go and move forward. We all have an expiration date, or at least a "Best By" date, and I really don't think you should waste your pretty on a guy who ultimately doesn't seem to be compatible with you.
There is a saying that goes something like, "If you can't take me at my worst, you certainly don't deserve me at my best." And if he has to take a month of space from you because things aren't "perfect" for whatever reason, he does NOT deserve you when you're the easy breezy girlfriend who serves him cupcakes and cleans up his house. Those are rewards, not automatics!!
She responded by agreeing and then saying that she has an urge to call him and tell him all of this stuff today, then asking if I thought that was wise. She also said that she was worried about how she would move forward because she had let most of her friendships fall by the wayside in order for this relationship to be her main focus...
I think that you should wait at least 24 hours to say ANYTHING to him. Let it sit with you a while, because you're going to go back and forth on what you want to say and you should make sure that what ends up coming out of your mouth has been carefully considered and logical rather than emotional.
All girls pull away from their friends when they get in relationships, it's totally normal. And being in your early-mid twenties is a crappy time for friendships anyways because we are all evolving SO much during that time. You can credit it to your relationship if you want- but the truth is that YOU have been the one doing the growing up. It's your natural evolution and it's pretty standard protocol for your twenties. Of course there are influences, the same way your friendships in high school influenced you. But you are the only one ultimately responsible for who you become throughout your life, so be proud of yourself for becoming who you are on your own- because _____ didn't grow you up, you grew up yourself. And hey, good job because you're great!!
You're going to make new friendships in the next few years and let go of others, it just depends on where you go with your life. I have friends who I've known for 15 years that I realized are no longer people who have a positive influence on me and therefore recently let go of them. And it sucked, and I miss "the way things were" a lot. But I'm also freeing myself up to afford new friendships to form. And with people who are more similar to who I am today- rather than who I was at 16, 19, or even 24. Don't beat yourself up about not having a ton of girlfriends right now. And realistically this is a good learning lesson to you to be more careful of clinging to some friendships the next time you are in a relationship- I know I learned that lesson recently.
I think you should wait to talk to _____, DEFINETLY. Sit with the whole equation, write it down, make a pros and cons list. Do whatever you have to do to put ALL of your thoughts out there. Write out the sane ones, write out the crazy ones, don't hold back because you think it makes you sound silly. Keep in mind that this "crazy" side of you is a direct result of him making you feel insecure and forcing you to grasp at straws. You're not crazy at all, I can promise you that. Don't try to manipulate him into who you think he is or why you think he might be doing things. Take them at face value and moreover see how they make YOU feel, regardless of his reasoning behind them. A man who loves you is going to put you 100% first (at least the kind of guy YOU want to end up with, right??) so even if it makes him "bummed," he should do things that he knows will ultimately make you happier. So figure out how to be calm and collected when you talk to him, and go into it knowing what you want and not willing to settle for anything less. The conversation should go something like this (on your end):
I have a problem with the way things are going.
Here is what I want our relationship to look like. Can you at least meet me halfway?
Circle yes or no.

Let It Fade.

Lately I have been finding myself, on occasion, behaving in a manner that I never thought I would. I've always been a person who let things roll off my back. As I may have mentioned on this blog, I've actually always found it quite difficult to remain angry or resentful... to the point where I've literally had to remind myself that I'm upset with somebody rather than calling them to see what they're up to that day.

I've had mixed reactions to this. Some people have been fully supportive. Others- not so much. Plenty of people in my life have encouraged me to embrace a general upset at the situations or beings in my life who "wrong" me. These people are generally the ones who adopt that kind of attitude in their own lives. Unforgiving, un-sympathetic people who have always just kind of lived their lives that way. You'll recognise the type when you bring up something that might not "be their favorite thing," and they respond with an attitude that you can literally feel draining the life force from your day. I don't think that people like this are necessarily to blame for this kind of attitude, because it's generally a learned thing. Maybe a parent, or a group of friends or even a romantic partner can be influential over someone's outlook. I should know... I've been on both sides of that fence.

photo credit: unknown

I've always tried to be optimistic, mainly because there's literally no point in pessimism. You consistently expect the worst, and so at no point during your life do you experience hope or faith in goodness. And for the past few months, I've felt that hand of resentment creeping into my life. Resentment toward old friends who haven't been quality people to me, resentment toward pretty much every guy I've ever dated, and resentment toward a particular group of people who I've taken pains to avoid over petty stupid crap that doesn't even matter in the grand scheme of things. The funny thing is that it doesn't even feel good to be mad at these people. Sometimes, I think people get this high from the drama of being angry at somebody. There's always that sense of importance when you have something (anything!) to discuss with friends, especially the drama of how you've been wronged. It's not pretty, but it's true and I honestly think anyone who denies that is a bunch of poppycock. But whenever I've vented about the people in my life who have been jerks, I don't ever-ever-ever feel better afterwards. As a matter of fact, I usually feel worse! And I think that to some extent, I have continued to vent about it to people in search of some kind of peace that just never comes. It's so ridiculous!

And I came to a kind of epiphany this morning. It was one of those ones where you've removed yourself from your own life and look at it with fresh new eyes and your jaw drops as you *guffaw* and say, "What the hell am I doing?" (By the way: I'm bringing the word *Guffaw* back. It's entirely too underused.)

Resentment is so wasted, and anger is literally a life-suck on every possible level. I once dated someone who insisted that I get angry more often (no joke) and discuss things in the heat of the moment rather than when I've mellowed. But that's never been my way. I want resolution, not a temporary relief. I want to be in charge of my emotions, and occasionally that means allowing them to wash over me until they've subsided and my rationale floods into their place. And it's okay to be angry, some times. But rather than painting over who you are in thick opaque red, let it be a wash of color that fades in the sun. There's not much point in spending your life wasted on that kind of negativity. When life is great- savor it. When life is bad- discard the pieces of it that make you unhappy. Don't dwell or stew or fume about it... just let it go and move on. You're better than that.

Allowing.

"Loneliness is a feeling, so I let the feeling be and let it do what it does. Sometimes it hangs around for a while and sometimes not. Trying to push it away or figure it out feeds it."

-Henri Junttila (Via A Well Traveled Woman)

photo credit: unknown

Kind of obsessed with this quote just now. Not even specifically about the loneliness aspect, but the whole idea of allowing your feelings about something to just "be" and sit with you awhile. It's quite a beautiful concept.

Go Figure.

photo credit: unknown

I found myself completely stressing out today- borderline panic attack. I get this feeling sometimes, like there's an assembly line of thoughts in my head and they're all going around and around, meanwhile exploding like little firecrackers that pepper everything with ash. I know that makes me sound crazy, but that's the best way I can explain it. I stress about what I'm doing today, what I'm doing in 3 hours, what I'm doing tomorrow and this weekend. How will I ever fit it all in in the time I have? I get anxious about how exhausted I will be afterwards and wonder if I should cancel out on anything in order to salvage what little sanity I have left.
But then I remember to breathe, deep slow breaths. At first the thoughts still linger in there, but after a few inhales and exhales, my mind becomes clearer and my shoulders less tense. "It will all get done. You don't have to have it all figured out right now."
I think back to when I was a kid, or even a teenager. Days spent listening to my sister's radio and running around barefoot wearing cutoff denim shorts. Man, I didn't have anything figured out... and I wasn't trying to. And I wonder how much of that peace and contentment that I had as a kid were the fact that I wasn't trying to figure stuff out. I wasn't worrying how to sneak more vegetables into my diet. I wasn't worried about acing the test I had in school nearly a week away. I didn't even care about making sure that I was drinking clean enough water... tap water was just fine. Things would figure themselves out in time.
Life has a way of working itself out. I honestly think the cure for most things is just time, and time alone. Clearly not in every case, but at least in the case of the day-to-day stressors. Most of my worries are me being overwhelmed and worried that I wont be able to do everything that I want to do on a day to day basis, let alone with my life. And oh, I know, I ought to have a plan. And I do have one, of course. But a big part of that plan is to not have everything figured out. Not yet.

There's a level of peace that comes with admitting that you have no clue what you're doing. Suddenly, you have room for error- and error and mistake lead to innovation. "I've got to get this perfectly right," turns into a giggle and an exhale of "I have no idea what I'm doing! Guess I'll try this and see if it works." The pressure to be perfect melts away from you and you find yourself suddenly enjoying tasks that once seemed daunting.

Relax, it will all work out.

Dr. Jones

I've got a hot date with nostalgia tonight...

Above Average.

photo credit: unknown

"We are the average of the five people we spend most of our time with." -Unknown

There have been several periods of time in my life when I feel like this has come into play pretty heavily and I've had to essentially "check" my relationships. Who are the people I surround myself with? And more importantly: Why? If you have any level of self-esteem, you will probably feel like your time is valuable. If your time is valuable, you want to invest it where it will bring you the most fruition. Now I'm not saying that all of your time surrounded by scholars and saints, but perhaps it's important to evaluate what you are getting from your investments into these relationships? Maybe you have a friend who constantly asks the hard questions, thereby encouraging your brain to work harder. Maybe your best friend brings invaluable joy to your life with her laughter and easy-going spirit. Perhaps a friend is going through a tough time and you feel that your advice is needed, so you stick by their side to be a more helpful person. Although one could interpret this equation as selfish, I think that it's important to give meaning and therefore value to your relationships. You may give and you may receive from them- but either side of that coin is going to change your life in either a better or a worse way.
Are the things you're getting out of those relationships positive or negative(?), and that's the keystone to this equation. If the people you surround yourself with are selfish, cruel, impatient, or judgemental- you too will acquire some of those attitudes. And you will notice them wafting into your persona because (initially, at least) they will feel alien to you. Some new attitudes are good; understanding, love, acceptance and patience. And if they're new to you you will sense those coming into play too. But I challenge you to check the new emotions at your doorstep and decide if they are good or not. Once that is determined, decide what has influenced their arrival, and whether that influence is a necessary part of your life.
Keep in mind that people become what they surround themselves with. Not only should you surround yourself with good- but be the good surrounding others as well. You want to be one of the five people who brings some one's average up, not down.

Rain Down On Me.

I was having another discussion with my sister today; talking about blogging and journal-keeping. I laughed and told her that you could always tell whether my life was good or bad by how often I blog. When things are really great, I tend to have less to talk about because I am not spending as much time trying to figure out how to "fix things." When my life is trickier, I will blog more introspectively and overanalyze in an effort to understand my world better. I told her that when my life gets downright crappy- I'm hardly thrilled about it, but I am always at least grateful for the motivation that it gives me as a writer along with the inspiration it delivers for me to move forward. I'm not exactly doing a happy dance about it, but I still honor the drive that my challenges give me.

And it's so true. I know I talk about this in length throughout my blog but it's only because it's such an important perspective that I think people ought to embrace if possible.

Throughout my adult life, i have had several periods of time when I have felt my most "whole" as a person. It's been my goal to live a life with vibrance, peace, and balance. And I have really felt like I've been there about it on a few occasions that I can remember. Every single one of those times have been after a major trial in my life. They've been after a period of sadness, after feeling so lost that I essentially had to start over from square one. And the period of time when I've been in the midst of rebuilding has always been a little hazy in my rearview mirror- but what happens afterwards in inevitable. At some point or another, and it's never a moment I saw coming, I wake up. It's like I suddenly shake my groggy head and look around at my life and realize that after days, weeks, months of climbing out of whatever sadness has enveloped my life... suddenly and without realizing it I've become happy again. I've crawled out and made it back to daylight. I blink my eyes once or twice and allow them to adjust while I laugh at the fact that I've got sunlight in them again.

photo credit: unknown

Life is full of ups and downs. But I can't reiterate enough just how important my downs have been. And perhaps I speak for myself alone when I say that I appreciate the shoddy parts of my life. If it weren't for them, not only would I not realize how good the supremely good feels... but I also might not have the drive to have gotten to them in the first place.
When things are easy and good, it's nice to lay back and stare at the sky. It's when life rains down some not-so-good moments that you stand tall and build a shelter you can be proud of. Without the effort of building and rebuilding, you'll never be able to feel the pride of looking down at your splintered hands and realizing how amazing and powerful you really are.