Missing.

I miss you, blog. I know I'm trying to make a conscious effort to stop thinking in terms of "what to blog about" and to be out there living my life... but I miss you just the same. I miss unloading my thoughts in this space and jotting down some goals in a manner that pushes me to pursue them. It's tough to weasel out of self-commitments when they're in writing.

Summer is officially over (although someone should really tell that to the heat) and life is finally starting to slow down. After months of rushing from one thing to another, it's finally Fall. I always loved the in-between seasons because they're a break from the extremes. I know, I know, I should shut up about extreme weather seeing as how I live in a pretty tropical location... but we have semi-seasons here too! Or perhaps not, but I'm a big wimp. And yes, here I am talking about the weather. How completely boring of me.

I'm excited to have some breathing space. I'm excited to not be running from event to event the way I feel like the past month or two has been. I think that it's an easy steam engine to jump on where you can over schedule yourself and then become so frazzled that you are either goinggoinggoing or at a dead stop trying to catch your breath. I can't help but feel like my seams have started to show the past few weeks after not giving myself enough "me" time, and it's time to reclaim that part of my life. Me time is important, and so often overlooked. And maybe that's what this blog has morphed into for me, at least right now. This is my "Me Time/Space." A place to collect my sanity and gather my wits about me in order to present something more of a calm and collected person. If you've seen me in the past two or three months (aside from in Costa Rica), I apologize for whoever that was you must have met. She seemed stressed.

And without further adieu- here is an actual topic of conversation so that you don't have to read my random ramblings about nothing:

I was talking to a good friend of mine and expressing some emotions I had regarding things going on in my life. I wont get specific, because it's irrelevant. But I have had a particular problem for as long as I can remember and it seemed to me that my emotions were unable to compromise with certain attitudes I had held onto for years and years. I called my friend and asked her opinion on it, and she dropped a truth bomb on me that (as they often are) was so simple that it was borderline absurd. She told me that what I had been doing wasn't working (duh) and so I should try doing something different (double duh). I told her that I wasn't sure if I could deal with the feelings that I was having about it and she finally just said, "Megan... why don't you just control those feelings? Have a little self-control because otherwise... what's the point?" Wow. Truth bomb, officially dropped.

I think that I've spent a good portion of my life playing the victim to my own emotions. I'm a very emotion-driven person (with hints of logic peppered in), and those emotions have a tendency to run my life for me from time to time. That's not the issue, however, so much as the fact that I will play the emotion card to legitimize a bevy of behaviors and attitudes. "But I don't FEEL right about it," or "I can't help the way I feel!!" True, to be sure, but also complete copouts. If a certain emotion hasn't been serving you, at some point you need to have the self control to tuck it away. Don't use it as an excuse, because some emotions and attitudes really are completely pointless. "I'm just a jealous person, I can't help it!" or "I have a short temper" really ARE just excuses to avoid facing the fact that you have little to no self-control. "This is just the way I am..." is like the Lazy Ass' Battle Cry.

At the end of the day, you are the only one who is the boss of you. And if you can't take negative and non-self-serving behaviors and attitudes and wrangle them into submission- you're never going to improve on yourself as a person. There's a big difference between being true to yourself and being lazy. Don't be lazy. Be evolutionary.