I was having another discussion with my sister today; talking about blogging and journal-keeping. I laughed and told her that you could always tell whether my life was good or bad by how often I blog. When things are really great, I tend to have less to talk about because I am not spending as much time trying to figure out how to "fix things." When my life is trickier, I will blog more introspectively and overanalyze in an effort to understand my world better. I told her that when my life gets downright crappy- I'm hardly thrilled about it, but I am always at least grateful for the motivation that it gives me as a writer along with the inspiration it delivers for me to move forward. I'm not exactly doing a happy dance about it, but I still honor the drive that my challenges give me.
And it's so true. I know I talk about this in length throughout my blog but it's only because it's such an important perspective that I think people ought to embrace if possible.
Throughout my adult life, i have had several periods of time when I have felt my most "whole" as a person. It's been my goal to live a life with vibrance, peace, and balance. And I have really felt like I've been there about it on a few occasions that I can remember. Every single one of those times have been after a major trial in my life. They've been after a period of sadness, after feeling so lost that I essentially had to start over from square one. And the period of time when I've been in the midst of rebuilding has always been a little hazy in my rearview mirror- but what happens afterwards in inevitable. At some point or another, and it's never a moment I saw coming, I wake up. It's like I suddenly shake my groggy head and look around at my life and realize that after days, weeks, months of climbing out of whatever sadness has enveloped my life... suddenly and without realizing it I've become happy again. I've crawled out and made it back to daylight. I blink my eyes once or twice and allow them to adjust while I laugh at the fact that I've got sunlight in them again.
photo credit: unknown
Life is full of ups and downs. But I can't reiterate enough just how important my downs have been. And perhaps I speak for myself alone when I say that I appreciate the shoddy parts of my life. If it weren't for them, not only would I not realize how good the supremely good feels... but I also might not have the drive to have gotten to them in the first place.
When things are easy and good, it's nice to lay back and stare at the sky. It's when life rains down some not-so-good moments that you stand tall and build a shelter you can be proud of. Without the effort of building and rebuilding, you'll never be able to feel the pride of looking down at your splintered hands and realizing how amazing and powerful you really are.