Go Figure.

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I found myself completely stressing out today- borderline panic attack. I get this feeling sometimes, like there's an assembly line of thoughts in my head and they're all going around and around, meanwhile exploding like little firecrackers that pepper everything with ash. I know that makes me sound crazy, but that's the best way I can explain it. I stress about what I'm doing today, what I'm doing in 3 hours, what I'm doing tomorrow and this weekend. How will I ever fit it all in in the time I have? I get anxious about how exhausted I will be afterwards and wonder if I should cancel out on anything in order to salvage what little sanity I have left.
But then I remember to breathe, deep slow breaths. At first the thoughts still linger in there, but after a few inhales and exhales, my mind becomes clearer and my shoulders less tense. "It will all get done. You don't have to have it all figured out right now."
I think back to when I was a kid, or even a teenager. Days spent listening to my sister's radio and running around barefoot wearing cutoff denim shorts. Man, I didn't have anything figured out... and I wasn't trying to. And I wonder how much of that peace and contentment that I had as a kid were the fact that I wasn't trying to figure stuff out. I wasn't worrying how to sneak more vegetables into my diet. I wasn't worried about acing the test I had in school nearly a week away. I didn't even care about making sure that I was drinking clean enough water... tap water was just fine. Things would figure themselves out in time.
Life has a way of working itself out. I honestly think the cure for most things is just time, and time alone. Clearly not in every case, but at least in the case of the day-to-day stressors. Most of my worries are me being overwhelmed and worried that I wont be able to do everything that I want to do on a day to day basis, let alone with my life. And oh, I know, I ought to have a plan. And I do have one, of course. But a big part of that plan is to not have everything figured out. Not yet.
There's a level of peace that comes with admitting that you have no clue what you're doing. Suddenly, you have room for error- and error and mistake lead to innovation. "I've got to get this perfectly right," turns into a giggle and an exhale of "I have no idea what I'm doing! Guess I'll try this and see if it works." The pressure to be perfect melts away from you and you find yourself suddenly enjoying tasks that once seemed daunting.
Relax, it will all work out.

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