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My earliest memory of being a writer was when I was in the 4th grade and had submitted a story for a school district-wide writing fair. I honestly can't even remember what I wrote about (I guess I should go dig through my parent's memorabilia). What I do remember that I won an award for it. That may have been the first time I realized that I not only liked this, but was kind of good at it.
I kept a journal on a hard disc on my prehistoric computer from middle school up until after I graduated High School. I still have that disc. It was kept on a disc for a number of reasons. One being that I couldn't bear the idea of my sister finding my precious Hello Kitty diary when keys to ALL Sanrio Surprises diary locks were universal (single-handedly promoting adolescent snooping, in my 5th grade opinion). I also remember that writing by hand was tiresome for me... maybe I was lazy, maybe I've always just felt that writing on a computer was easier to edit when I realized how silly my ideas sounded- even to me.
I still keep an online journal when I feel the need to write, and whenever I'm faced with a dilemma my writing has helped me sort out my own thoughts when I couldn't know myself any other way. Writing has, on so many occasions, saved me. Maybe that's why I've always loved it so much. Being the self-critic that I am, my own thoughts have always been there for me when I've needed a guide... someone who wouldn't agree with the status quo just to appease me. I'm sure that sounds crazy- but it's true.
I've never sugar coated things to myself (or to anyone else, for that matter)... it's never been my strong point. I'm pretty fact-based and I play the Devil's Advocate more often than not, just to be fair from all points of view. I'd like to think my writing has shown that throughout the years, but there's a good chance it just makes me look confused and nutty in retrospect. I can't even being to tell you how many blogs I'll go back and read, only to think, "WTF is she even talking about...?" Ha!
But it's important to have some faith in myself, and to know that even on occasions when I'm the only one who understands what I'm writing- that's okay. I am a writer. It's taken me years to realize that this is my passion, or maybe to understand how important it is to HAVE a passion. But now I know:
I am a writer.