Well today I have my doctor's appointment to go over the details (and hopefully appointment date) for my surgery. As I'm sure you can imagine I am VERY anxious to find out the details about how long I will be in the hospital and how long I can be expected to need to take off work. According to the Internet articles I have been reading, recovery time could be anywhere from less than a week to an entire month off work. The reason being that they will need to collapse one of my lungs in order to maneuver around in there so that alone takes some time to get back to "100%" as far as that. I've also been reading that my ribs and kind of entire chest area will be pretty painful for a while, just to sleep and eat and cough and stuff. BUT, they will hopefully be giving me some awesome drugs so I will be able to sleep and function relatively well. I know that no matter how much any of that stuff hurts, that time will eventually pass as well and I will feel SO much better than I have in months, so I'm looking forward to that.
On a more spiritual note: I have been doing some thinking throughout this whole experience and know, without a doubt, that God wouldn't have given me this test if he didn't KNOW that I could handle it. I was thinking about this a week or two ago and kind of playing the "pity me" card to myself. Lately I have been haunted by images of myself laying on an operating table with my body cut open and me knocked out cold... it's a scary thought. But I know that this is something I can deal with. I know that I don't have it so bad, and that catching this thing when we did was a gift to me from God himself, because if we hadn't then who knows how long this may have gone on or what could have happened if the tumor had grown to press more into my heart or lungs. I know that this tumor could have been malignant, and I'm not sure I would have dealt very well with that. But God knew what I could deal well with and grow from and he delivered that to me- no more, no less. I know that bad things happen, even to good people. Even to people like my sister's friend, Jenny, who has Cancer and is dealing with it with more strength than I can even imagine. God knew she could do it, and although my burden has nowhere near the severity of hers, it reminds me that God knows I can do this too. And in a way... I'm flattered. I'm flattered the way I was the first time my Dad told me that he saw great things possible in me and I believed him. Someone as amazing as my father (and in this new case my Father in heaven) has a great faith in what I am capable of. He must think I am pretty great. And with that esteem in myself from the both of them, I know that I can handle this and not only get past it, but thrive through it. I WILL come out of this a better, stronger, and more complete person. Funny how taking something out of you somehow makes you more complete...
I am also looking to get as healthy as possible before this surgery, but having a hard time with it. I get winded pretty easily because of the placement of my tumor and how it's now pressing on my lungs. But I still want to do some kind of workout... yoga, perhaps? Any suggestions are more than welcome!
Anyways, today will be another page in this chapter and that much closer to the end of it... so today is a good day for me. Hopefully my doctor gives me some encouraging news. Wish me luck!
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