About Today.

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I had a nice conversation with my sister today on the importance of being imperfect. As far back as I can remember, I have been all or nothing about almost everything in my life. I only play games that I know I will do well in, I only ask for what I am certain to receive... if I don't think I can do it really well, I just don't even try. Even as I write this, I have spent the better part of the past week obsessing over my Mass Communications textbook to study for a test that my professor specifically told us would be "An Easy A." I wish I were joking, but I'm not.
I tend to maniacally dwell over things I did wrong, things I wish had gone differently (especially if they were out of my hands), and how I could control my life better and therefore guide it toward some sort of perfection which I am certain no human could never really be capable of.
Not everyone is like this, I have to remind myself. Some people leave the house without making their beds. Some people don't take a multivitamin. Some people *gasp!* eat McDonald's Big Macs.
And it isn't that I claim to be perfect, because I am far from it. In fact, it's in this constant quest for perfection that I am probably the most flawed. I become stressed and fumbling, frazzled, reclusive, and critical of myself and others. Especially that last part. I have a history of trying so hard to be funny that I tell wildly inappropriate and awkward jokes. All I want, literally, in my whole entire life- is to be at peace. I want that serenity of being comfortable with who I am and where I am in my life. I don't want to care if my hair isn't done. I don't want to avoid spontaneity because I'm worried that I might mess something up.
It is important that we allow ourselves to be imperfect. It's important that we loosen our grip on who we want to be, and just enjoy who we already are. There are a million things that we can push ourselves to become, and that list will never get any shorter. We can always be smarter, funnier, have better skin, etc. And of course, it's good to improve ourselves. But there is a fine line in the sand that we need to stop at, one that is crookedly drawn with broken driftwood. We need to be okay with how far we've already come, even if we think no one else sees it. Just to sit back serenely and smile at the person we are and enjoy today instead of worrying about past mistakes or future endeavors. Today is the most important day of your life, take some time to savor it.