I am doing much better this week than the last few weeks (I haven't wanted to post about feeling crummy because it's depressing!).
We all have rough patches. The last time I went through a tough time, I feel like I posted a lot of stuff on here that was more or less crap. Inspirational and actually helpful to me now, but not 100% honest. At the beginning of the year this year, I had a really tough time. My posts here were my attempt to convince myself that I was going to be fine, but deep down I was pretty depressed. And I can admit that now. For a while, more recently, I was feeling that all too familiar feeling of hopelessness. Holly Golightly called it The Mean Reds, "Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of." It's a crappy feeling. And I have had my mornings of that lately, but it's been encouraging that it hasn't been anything lasting more than a day or so. Earlier this year it was much worse. Which is sort of pathetic since I had so many great things going on, but all I could feel was this hollowness where I just didn't know what to do about it except escape. But not now.
Here's the thing, and I hope this hasn't been too depressing for you so far because it's about to get better, life is HARD. I know, right?? And life will always BE hard. It's never going to get easier or less complex. I read somewhere that life is a journey- a process. And people get so caught up in this goal-oriented style of living (which is usually a good thing) that they begin to frustrate themselves when life doesn't stop getting difficult at the conclusion of a particular task. But it never stops and that's why people need to focus more on healthy living habits as opposed to definitive goals. Don't get me wrong- goals are important too. It's good to work toward something and it's the only way to accomplish the THINGS that you want to achieve in your life. But I think it's much more important to figure out how to live the lifestyle that will bring you the most peace and satisfaction with who you become at the end of each day.