Candy for your eyeballs.

Here are a few pretty things that have caught my eye this past week:

Okay, I wont notate on all of these but I REALLY love this. I've always wanted to do a Geranium, but I have a complete black thumb. These, however, would be easy breezy to make with some fish bowls and fake plants. I like the Daisy idea too! I am really thinking of making this a project for part of my April goals pending that it doesn't dip too much into my Europe funds... ...And I WANT this cookbook. Filled with yummy vegetable recipes!! Couldn't you just die over all of this decorative eye candy from Anthro?? The bottom two pictures are so gorgeously done I could get them tattooed on me if it didn't make me such a weirdo.

Vulnerable.

"Let your heart break into a million pieces today. Allow yourself to cry today. Be vulnerable today. Feel gratitude today for the smallest and most ‘insignificant’ things. A taste. A glance. A breath. On this day of all days - your first day, and your last day." Vulnerability. What is it about it that scares people SO much? I don't know if I can think of a single person out there who is comfortable with the idea of opening themselves up to becoming vulnerable. It can make your relationships stronger or break them down completely. And why is that? The irony in it is that whether or not you allow yourself to be made vulnerable- the same feelings exist and process throughout relationships (romantic and friendship alike). Without allowing ourselves to open to the possibility of getting hurt, we never really stand a chance at a real connection with the people around us. I don't think that people can ever really connect with one another with a raised guard... there is nothing to bond through. It's usually the experiences where we are being tried when people can see us at our core- with our dukes up and our strength challenged. And these are also the instances where we make our deepest connections. Vulnerability is like that old game of trust. You fall backwards and someone will either catch you or not... you give yourself to someone. You are giving somebody the opportunity to drop you, to hurt you. But through it all, you're trusting in that person (or perhaps people in general) that they wont let you fall. That you will come out of it unscathed. The thing about making yourself vulnerable is that often times, we take out our lack of trust on the wrong people. You KNOW when someone is not to be trusted with You. You also know which people probably are. And giving your trust to someone who doesn't deserve it is where people get hurt, and in turn that hurt allows us to blame people in our future endeavours. "Well I've been hurt before." Great. But by whom? Point fingers all you want but in the end, you have every inch of the power to pull back from people who don't deserve your ability to be vulnerable with them. This post is directed in no particular place or person, I just think it's an interesting thought. Maybe, just maybe... allowing ourselves to trust other people and open ourselves to them isn't the worst thing on Earth. Just be aware of your surroundings. You can be open and aware at the same time. It's all a part of life's perpetual Balancing Act.

Drive.

Isn't it funny how when you're trying to do one thing, quite the opposite inevitably seems to pop up? I have made my goal for March to be "more relaxed" and "Zen-like," and in return I have been more busy than I have been in months. It hasn't helped that I signed up for this 20 days of hot yoga thing. You would think it would make me feel like my life was moving more slowly, but I feel like I'm always running from thing to thing. I also noticed that my diet is massively important when I do strenuous exercise. To anyone thinking of doing Hot Yoga: eating steak before class is a bad decision.

The thing is, with all of this running around I haven't really been keeping to my March goals. Which is okay since I've already stated that goals are allowed to change. But it's still a bummer. My long walks with Nora are cutting short due to rain and yoga this week. And last week it was so toasty that drinking more hot Chamomile Tea sounded like a death sentence. At least my "staying in" has been panning out...

Anyways, in my attempt to get my mind back into focus here, I want to talk about motivation today. I have never been a very driven person. It's just not in my nature. And honestly, I don't think I want to try to force myself to be more motivated. I think it's a much wiser idea to simply place more things in my life that serve as opportunities to become motivated. And so this morning I had a thought: what has been my biggest motivation? I looked at the things in my life that I would consider "accomplishments," and traced them back to where they all began. It was sort of an interesting exercise. Especially since I'm not very ambitious, yet I feel like I have SOME stuff posted on my refrigerator. I think my top 3 accomplishments have been (in no particular order): Advancing in my job, Getting out of some crappy relationships, and planning my trip to Europe. These may not sound that fantastic to some people, but to me they have been (and will be- in Europe's case) game changers for me. I think about what motivated me to do these things. And I think it was a matter of my own mind saying "Enough! Enough wanting things and not getting them. Enough watching everyone else around you enjoy their lives and feeling left out. Enough basking on the sidelines with the C-Team and wishing you were in the game. THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH."


And I don't know how to put into words my exact moments of motivation, except to say it has been like a recovery for me. When Jill was in the hospital, the nurses told us that once she she started eating solid foods, her recovery would be expedited. I feel like that has been my story as well. It was like once I decided to drop into life, I hit the ground running. Life really IS a matter of mental decisions and swift action on them. "I don't want to live that life anymore. And so I wont." ...And then you just DO that. No second guessing, no reservations. I always think of it like a roller coaster. Once you decide to sit in that seat and pull the bar down, you're in- buddy. You're on the ride. And you may be scared to pieces, but I'm pretty sure afterwards you will have enjoyed it. And so, for me, I want to continue riding roller coasters. Because eventually I wont be afraid of any of them because I know I can survive the ride. What's the old saying? A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step... it's important to TAKE that step. I guess that's my motivation. What's yours?

Let it go.

I think that every person has, in our lives, dealt with a "friend break-up." It sucks, to say the least. I have had it happen with about 4 people in my life. Strangely enough, it has always been my male friends whom this happens with. I'm not sure why. You would think that it would be females since we are an infamously dramatic sex, but it never is.
The first time this happened was my very close friend who one day, for reasons I will not delve into, simply stopped being my friend. It was like one day we were BFFs, and the next I wasn't even a fly on the wall. It stung, and I cried A LOT. I actually ended up moving away from the place I was living because he was friends with all the people there and it became too difficult for me to deal with. I assure you- I have a point. I am not just trying to tug at your heart strings here. Shortly after that another of my friends stopped talking to me, and shortly after that another did. I had no clue why this was happening. I hadn't done anything to wrong these people. And I lost sleep over it. My friendships are very dear to me, and I hold my friends as close as family. So to me, it was like disconnecting with my brothers. I tried to figure out what I had done, where I had gone wrong, etc. It was only years later that I found out some of the issues these people had. And as it turns out, it was really nothing to do with anything I had done, but a series of events surrounding these people that were totally beyond my control.
I knew a guy who had a similar situation happen to him. His good friend basically "broke up" with him, and he was devastated. From what I had seen, he was similar to me in his friendships. He held them very high on his list of priorities. A while later he ended up discussing things with his friend and they more or less "made up," but it was still very strange to watch this from an outside perspective. I hadn't had that before, and it opened my eyes to what was really happening with these people who had left me in my OWN life. I assure you, I still have a point.
Recently I had a friend who got upset with me over something I had said. Not to him, but indirectly. Okay it was on Facebook. Lame, right? Well my knee jerk reaction was to grovel. To apologize over and over again. One lesson that I have learned in my life has been that even when you say something that offends someone unintentionally, it still hurts them. And I do not want to be a person who inflicts emotional pain on another person- be it intentional or not. While I may still hold to the statement or action I took, I always, always want to apologize for making the other person feel badly. And so I did. But after a time of upset, and explaining myself to this person, I started to feel differently. Because when you mess up there is a certain amount of apology that should be expected. And then that's it. They either forgive you, or they do not. Past that, if they are still upset with you it is out of your hands. And their upset is likely not as much to do with YOU as it is with THEM. This friend of mine got my apology, and I did everything in my power to make amends with him. And now my job is done. And we were "cool" for a minute, but then who-knows-what happened and now we are somehow not. And I could go two ways with this: grovel some more and beg for their friendship back -OR- let it go. And it sucks. Nobody likes to lose a friend. And no one likes to not know the reasons behind something like that (because I honestly don't). But at some point it's important to remember that the world does not revolve around you. This person has their own deal and their own set of whatever issues he has, and after my part in the friendship is done it is no longer my job to fix it.
It's hard to let go of a person in your life. We fight it, always. Especially when they are very close to you. But it's important to remember that we are in charge of ourselves ONLY. And no one else. We can only control our own actions and behaviors. And if you are satisfied with what you've contributed to something, there isn't much else that you can do. And sometimes, trying will only make you feel frazzled and a bit crazy. So you have to say, "I'm sorry that things didn't work out," and walk away. The role this person had in your life is now over. Their chapter is finished. And you appreciate what you gained from their friendship, and you leave behind any hurt you feel because you just don't need it. I'll leave you with a little ditty that I have saved. It helps me when I feel bad about this sort of thing:

LET IT GO !!!!
There are people who can walk away from you.And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you:let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.You've got to know when it's dead.You've got to know when it's over.

Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.

Stop begging people to stay.Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you...LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship...LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed...LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to...LET IT GO!!!

Erin Go Braugh.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!

I have been craving a nice dark chocolate bar for literally the past week straight. So, I think today I will take my time from blogging and make my dreams come true! Here are a few pretty things that have brightened up my week:

Clearly I've been gandering at quite a few design websites. What I wouldn't give for an unlimited budget to redesign my home interior. Although, I have to admit it's looking pretty fancy these days. I'll try to get some pictures to post up here soon. Have a safe and fun holiday everybody!

Early Birdy.

Today, I read this article on waking up earlier:(http://thinksimplenow.com/productivity/how-to-wake-up-early/) and thought it was sort of a good idea to try to incorporate this into my life. I have always had a hard time with being a morning person. When I was younger, I struggled with the idea of ever getting a "real job" because it would mean that I had to join the early morning ranks. NOT my cup of tea. Pun intended.

But when I finally got a full time job, I learned that I could indeed get up before 10am every day. This, to me, was news. I've always loved the night life, but now that I am awake in the mornings I am starting to gain a new appreciation for the stillness of the morning time. There really is something magical about waking up before anyone else is awake. There is no noise except for you, quietly preparing yourself for the day ahead. Your bare feet pad silently across the tile floor, trying to tip toe softly as to not wake anyone else up. I like to listen to morning music mixes I have made myself on my iPad. There's that first sip of cold water that wakes up your taste buds. You look in the mirror at your disheveled hair and face and kind of giggle a little at how silly they are. The air is still and crisp. Now is a good time and place to slowly drift into your day. Not your car, not at work. No need to rush from bed to highway and office as the start to your day.

And so, I think tonight I am going to try the tips listed in this article. And wake up early to read a bit, stretch a tad, and drink my Chamomile Tea. An extra 30 minutes ought to do the trick. This means that I am going to also need to re-adjust my evening schedule. Which is fine since I'm working on being more mellow anyways.

I know this all sounds UNdeniably boring, but honestly... I kinda dig it.

Selfish, Shellfish.

I know that I have been doing a lot of talk about forgiveness lately, but it has really been weighing on my mind. Not necessarily forgiving other people, but BEING more forgiving with yourself. And, quite frankly, being more kind to yourself. That has been my biggest thing these past few weeks. Just being more kind to all parts of yourself. Your mind. Your soul. Your body. ESPECIALLY your body. I think a lot of women in particular probably struggle with this one.

For starters, lets talk about being more kind to your mind. My mind is, for me, one of my biggest challenges. I can't control it. I have these thoughts where, when I mess up, I really get down on myself about it. And then follows the process where I get upset with myself for getting so upset with myself. "Stop over-reacting," or "stop over thinking!" seem to be common phrases that echo in my head. But here's the funny thing about the human mind: It knows what it's doing. God (or whatever creator you want to believe in) knew what he/she/it was doing when it built the human mind. Our thought processes are for a purpose, and it's probably not a stupid or pointless one. Women, for instance, are emotional beings. Our minds tend to become a little Emo about stuff and since that can be socially unacceptable we think we're kind of lame. But the world NEEDS emotion. And we, in turn, need that emotion. Practicality has it's usefulness to be sure. But without sympathy, empathy, and feeling... we become robots. And we can't relate to one another. And we confine ourselves to lives of misunderstanding one another and not allowing each other our imperfections. We relate to the humanity in other people and that can really be a bond that ties us together. So I think that the emotional process is a very important one. We need to sit inside our own heads and go through some of those crappy emotions in order to grow and in turn, help others to do the same. I think that realizing this and therefore being more kind to our minds when we feel down in the dumps is appropriate. Embrace the bummers in your life, they are like boot camp for your Mind. Go easy on yourself when you feel like you're being a little "lame." It's all a process.

Now on to being kind to your soul. Each of us has needs. Things that make us happy... and sometimes we can't really explain why they do. For instance: I LOVE Extra Cheddar Goldfish crackers. Always have. Every time I eat one I get this feeling in my brain like... bliss. They're delicious to me. Why do these silly little kids crackers make me so happy? I have no idea. They are, simply put: good. I feel the same way about certain movies, books, and people. I want them in my life because they make me feel good. A lot of women are this way with chocolate! Your soul has wants, and while you shouldn't overindulge in some of them, it's important to treat your soul to the things that fill it with pleasure. Warm socks, pleasant smells, aesthetic art, watching a sunset on the beach... these are gifts that we can give our soul. There is no rhyme or reason to why we need to fulfill these parts of our lives, but I can promise you that you will notice a difference in your life-satisfaction levels if we neglect them. Be kind to your soul. And it will, in turn, fill your life with joy.

And lastly, be kind to your body. And most of all: be patient with it! Goodness knows it is patient with you! It waits for you to stop eating Oreos and get to the gym. And when you do, it morphs into the shape it was before you turned into a Glutton! Okay, that was an over-exaggeration, but you get my point. I can remember in high school, I used to collect magazines. Ok I still do. But I would always get excited about the issues right before Prom- not because of the dresses or hairstyles- but because of the prep tips. YM or Teen would always have these Countdown to Prom articles, where they would tell you how to completely spoil your body so that by Prom, you looked like a million bucks. It was all about deep conditioning your hair and doing a weekly facial, etc. I would clip these out and do them year round. I have never been lax about taking care of my body. Hair masks, body butters, polished toes... these have been staples of mine since the 9th grade. I think that being kind to your body is important. Now that I am getting older I focus more on the things that I know are REALLY kind to your body, as opposed to things that magazines hire marketing departments for. Eating more vegetables. Treating your skin gently and with respect. Stretching. Going easy on my hair when I'm not doing anything fancy that day. Let your body relax a bit. Be kind to it. Drink more water. Take your vitamins. Forgive yourself if you gain 3 pounds, and don't get so wrapped up in it if you lose 3. Use sunscreen. You only get this one body for the rest of your life, so you should probably treat it with respect.

I don't know if it comes off as selfish to say that we should be more kind to ourselves, but I really think it's important. It's important to have a good sense of self-peace in order to have more patience and unrequited love to give others. I truly believe that if you don't have yourself more or less at peace, you don't have much to offer anyone else. Love yourself. Be nice to yourself. Forgive your mistakes and embrace your imperfections. If it's going to be you against the world, make sure You are ready for it.

Mistakes and Forgiveness.

I had written this whole blog about forgiving yourself for your mistakes, and as I thought about it I deleted it. I think it's okay to be upset with yourself to some extent. I mean... if you don't see the wrong in your life, how will you ever do better in the future? However there is a balance scale upon which sits Action and Acceptance. You need to react to your mistakes, absolutely. If you mess up I feel that it is highly important to your development as a human being to take immediate steps to correct your mishap. But I think that it is also important to be kind to yourself. For starters: do not, under ANY circumstances, feel that one mistake changes who you are. Mankind is, by nature, imperfect. And for you to feel like your imperfections make you anything except for human, you are wasting your energy on something that is irrelevant. I think that if you make a mistake, there are certain steps you take to work towards fixing it, and then you need to drop it completely. Life is far too short to hold on to guilt, or anger, or self-resentment. Ask yourself: Is there anything more that I can do to correct this situation? And if the answer is no, then you need to let it go.


I think that, so often, people feel like the whole world revolves around them. And honestly it's easy to feel that way. You are the one who wakes up and falls asleep to your thoughts. No one else. But the world does NOT revolve around you and your restless mind. And perhaps while your mistakes are an opportunity for you to learn to mend your ways, they are also someone else's opportunity to learn to forgive. Both are equally important. And very few interactions with other people are for one person's benefit alone.


I think that if you are hanging onto regret or anguish over your actions then you ought to address what it is, in yourself, that makes you feel like you deserve such self-punishment. Because at that point it really isn't about the situation itself anymore. Confident, happy people are not imperfect. they just know their faults, they take action to fix what they can, and they put the rest out of their minds. Confident people are not sitting there, wondering if so-and-so is still mad at them. They know that if they've done their part to correct the situation, so-and-so will either forgive them or they will not. And you can't control anyone but yourself, so why try? At the same time, you need to be fair to the opposite side of the spectrum. If someone wrongs you, and they genuinely ask forgiveness, give it to them. And let bygones be bygones. I don't think you should be anybody's doormat, but I think the old "forgive and forget" theory is an admirable one. And you know, if they consistently wrong you, by all means forgive them and forget them. But don't hold onto it. Don't hold on to negativity of any kind. I read somewhere that holding onto anger is like grasping onto a hot coal with the intent to throw it at someone else... you're the one who gets burned.

Don't torture yourself for having flaws.

You're imperfect.

Such is life.

Balance and the Now.

I started re-reading Eat, Pray Love this week. Typical Megan to start something (My Om book) and stop midway through. I will get back to it, but I think that for now I need to focus on something else. I've been so caught up in self-betterment that I am forgetting to enjoy myself. To simply to enjoy my life. I feel like I am putting myself under so much pressure to BE a certain way that I am grasping too tightly and not allowing myself the parts of life that are so beautiful. Namely: nothing. Doing nothing, being nowhere, focusing on myself and selfishness and pleasure.

No, I am not advocating sitting around brushing my hair 100 strokes a night and wandering aimlessly through the streets. I mean to spend my time listening to music that makes my heart sing, and eating foods that make me smile, and singing along with the radio in my car. The simple pleasures that are so loosely tied to life. And there are pleasures that are more tightly wound, such as exercise, eating right, and daily writing on here. And I would like to keep those as well. But there is a balance that needs to be struck between looking towards my future and enjoying my present. I have faith that the two can somehow co-exist.

I went back and read some blogs that I had written on my Myspace between 2006-2010, and found some that I had forgotten about but very much enjoyed reading. One, in particular, struck me since I feel it is a habit I once had that I forgot to nurture. I talked about a book I had read that encouraged putting thoughts on a back burner. Not important ones and not permanently, but to take stresses and worries that I had and simply place them on hold. If I am stressed about something in my life, it is in fact OKAY to stop thinking about it for a bit. The funny part about these kinds of things is that a majority of the time if I just stop thinking about it- it will fix itself. So the goal was to take a stressor in my life and simply say to it, "goodbye for a while," and plan to come back to it if need be. Most of the time it will have gotten so bored waiting around that when you decide to come back to it, it has left you. It sounds like negligence but I assure you that it is not. It's simply your mind telling you to hold things in priority that ought not to be held there. And once you quiet your mind, the reality of what is and is not important sinks in. Does that make any sense?

So all in all, life is about balance. I've ALWAYS known this, but sometimes I forget. We should all practice the art of being fence-sitters(?) Ha, I know that sounds crazy but it's somewhat true. My goal is to sit, comfortably, between happiness now and happiness later. You can't pre-empt what your future will hold, no matter what you think. And so you stay here, where you are for now, and you look toward where you will be in the future. And you carve out paths that you hope will lead you where you want to be, but you enjoy the carving while it's happening. For example I am going to Europe in May. I can choose to focus on making sure I have the best time on Earth while I'm there, OR I can choose to have the best time on Earth planning for while I'm there. I can look at pictures, and get excited, and talk about my trip. The Now is the best part of any story. And, hopefully, the now while I'm over there will be the best part as well. But I'm going to let go of worries that it wont be and focus on right now. And being happy. And balancing the two. I think it's a nice plan. But it's okay if you don't agree.

Sam.

It came again, just like it does every year. March 8th. I should remember the exact date better since it's also my brother's birthday. But it sneaks up like some creep mugger in a dark alley and strikes you before you know it. Today marks the 7th anniversary of Sam Shackleford's passing. It's crazy to think it's been 7 years.

The thing about March 8th is that it never makes me sad. I mean, it DOES, but I don't tend to get emotional about death very often. It's always been a cycle to me. The same way that everyone in my life or not in my life is a cycle. One day, God wants this person in your life. And the next day, he does not. This person is gone to ME- but not actually gone from me. If that makes any kind of sense.

For anyone who hasn't heard me mention Sam, let me tell you about him. Because I think it's in this way he lives on. Sam is (and I always say IS and not WAS because he's not gone from me) an amazing human being. When he was physically here he had this calming presence, as he still does if you ask me. Our problems always went to Sam, and he always took them. He was wise beyond his years and always knew the right thing to say to make us think. Sam is like Chamomile Tea in human form. He warms the spirit. He calms the soul. I knew him for a short period of time but he is one of those people whom you instantly know you want to attach to your life. And so I did. We quickly became friends and remained close until the day he passed. I shot my first hand gun with Sam. We stayed up late into the night talking about nothing and eating Hersey's Kisses. I was a silly 20 year-old girl with no real aspirations who probably talked about life as if I felt I had lived it yet and he took me seriously. He made me, as well as probably every other person he came in contact with, feel important. I wanted to BE like him. I wanted to be smart and caring and attentive. And I feel like that was his gift to me... something to aspire to. I always think of him on March 8th but prefer to celebrate his birthday on December 15th because it was when he was brought into this world that I choose to recognise and not when he was taken out of it. Two years ago I got my memorandum to him by way of the musical note on my calf. It has his signature as well as his birth date- which was also the date I had the tattoo done. I will not, COULD not, ever forget Sam. So to him I say: I love you. And thank you for having been sent into my life.

Exhausted.

I think that sometimes, actually lots of times... our lives are imperfect. Our today doesn't pan out the way we'd hoped. Or maybe we're just plain old tired. And our day seems pretty bad. And it's easy to become discouraged and feel like we're unhappy as a whole. But the thing is that you need to remember that everybody has days like that. And just because you're tired and less happy than you were yesterday does not mean that your life is unhappy. It just means that today is a tough day. And in cases like that you have to stand up a little taller, dust yourself off, and simply present the best version of you that you can. Maybe you fake it a little. But you keep in mind that you're pretty great. And you just take that knowledge and show off whatever greatness you think you have inside of you someplace.

...Then you go home and curl up under your blankets and let your cat tell you that tomorrow will feel better after a good night's sleep.

Trials Vs. Opportunities.

Let me paint you a little picture of my day so far: I woke up, got ready for work, and paused to re-read a chapter from my Om book before going to collect Nora from the back yard. The chapter I had read the night before talked about greeting your day with more or less open arms and rather than being fearful of it- looking forward to it's challenges. I really liked that when I read it last night, and I wanted to reiterate it this morning. So I paused for a second and talked my mind into looking forward to today's trials. I went downstairs to get No'No and, of course, she didn't want to come to me when I called her. I was irritated for a moment, but then I remembered that she has been doing really well with baiting her. So I got her treat and immediately, she came to me for it. Cool. We left for work and as I hit the main light I looked at my clock and realized that I would almost definitely be late for work. Dammit. Even as I approached the freeway I knew I didn't have the necessary time I needed to get from my on ramp to the exit (Yes, I think about stuff like this. And yes, I have my route timed. I'm a nerd). I decided not to panic, but to practice patience and just let my morning go as it would. But then, I noticed that for some reason there was zero traffic. I got to my work EXACTLY on time. I got to work and prepared for an audit we were having from our insurance company. I had been stressing about it all week. Sure enough, I get into work to discover that my boss will NOT be there for the audit and that it's all on me to make sure it goes smoothly. Immediate panic set in but I thought, "Okay Megan. You can do this. And quite frankly, you don't have an option. Okay, GO." The auditor got here, we sat down, and everything went smoothly. Great success! So then she leaves and in walks my boss's step-son, who is kind of a scary dude. I was disappointed that I wouldn't have some time to relax after my stressful morning, but figured that I would just be patient and let it play out. Within seconds he left, since he had only come to see if my boss was in.

My point in all this rambling- is that all morning I had trials. Things that I could choose to stress over or place patience into until it played out. And a thought crossed my mind in the midst of it: "Today is NOT a very good day to practice patience. Today is HARD." But immediately I realized that today is a PERFECT day to practice patience. When else would I have this many opportunities? And when else would my results be so recognized as today when they have been so blatant?

The way I see it, your tough days can contain one of two things to you: Disappointments or Opportunities. Today I learned that I am capable of handling a business audit. I learned that stressing over traffic is not only ineffective but sometimes unnecessary. I learned that Nora isn't quite to the come-when-she's-called stage, but she's getting there with the help of some training tools. And most importantly I learned that perspective is everything. I know my day isn't over yet. And I'm sure more trials will happen throughout it. But I'm learning. And right now- this moment- this lesson... well, isn't that the whole point?

March Madness.

Alright, March. Hit me with your best shot. After a few months of developing my experience with goals, I can already feel the difference in who I am as a person. It's interesting: I continuously do this thing where I compare myself now to who I was a month ago, a year ago, 5 years ago... and the change is always DRASTIC. I imagine that's common. Who I was a month ago was scattered. Frazzled and uncollected. I was trying so hard to be busy and happy that I think a part of me wasn't really as "cool" as I tried to put out that I was. But I think I achieved what I was setting out to achieve, which was happiness. I delved into that a bit a few blogs ago. I think that someone can be happy, without being genuinely at peace. So came the laughter, and the fun, and the goings-on; but not the peaceful feeling in my gut. I still felt anxious, like I had something to prove. You can even read it in some of the blogs I've written almost as if between the lines it reads," See? Look how happy I am! I promise!"

For March I would like my goals to follow in the steps of peace. January was about busy work. February was about health. I think March needs to polish the peace in my life. The introspection that I am now ready for. I don't know that I was ready for it before. But I think I am now. For starters, I want to take longer walks with Nora. Not only are they beneficiary for my health but it's a really nice opportunity for me to get out there alone and just be with myself (No' doesn't count because she can't talk!). Secondly, I want to drink more Chamomile tea. I know that this sounds like a silly goal, but I can tell a huge difference in any anxiety issues that I have had in the past based on my Chamomile intake! Third, I want to focus on being more patient and forgiving. I am not a patient person whatsoever and I want to improve on just sitting with something until it unfolds itself to me. In the mean time, I should be more forgiving of people and situations that I feel are inconvenient. This is life. Let it be. Fourth: Somewhat unrelated but Nora needs to start being better trained. I would like to work on her spending more time alone in the yard without whining, and eventually (not necessarily this month) being able to stay at home while I go to work if I need her to. This means I will most likely need to get her a dog house and some outside toys to occupy her time. I also need her to learn to sit, stay, and come when she is called better. In other words, it's time for me to start training her. Which means I'm off to Barnes & Noble for some literature on what to do with my mutt. Lastly, I want to work on staying in more. And really just keeping to myself a bit more. Id like to go out on weekends, but I don't want to be a person who NEEDS to go out during the week just to pass the time. I need to cultivate my solo-self with the things I like to do on my own: Yoga, cooking, reading, movies, painting, etc. It occurred to me that I know some of the stuff I like to do alone, but I haven't really been working on doing them lately. Now is as good a time as any to focus on myself and what I like to do.

So we'll see how it works out. I think I got all my energy out in the past few months, so now it would be kind of nice to get back to mellow Megan. Knowing my life, however, this will be easier said than done. I already have plans for the next 3 weekends- one of which is a Vegas trip. So much for mellow.

Bella Noche.

Today I am going to yoga class. It's been a while! I also have a hankering to watch this movie:

...mainly because the costumes in it are so gorgeous. I have a fridge STOCKED with yummy (and healthy!) food, and plan on stopping by Whole Foods to get my favorite sweet tooth fix: hot and spicy dark chocolate. Between that and listening to this music today:



today will be peaceful for me. I will post my March resolutions tomorrow.