Balance and the Now.

I started re-reading Eat, Pray Love this week. Typical Megan to start something (My Om book) and stop midway through. I will get back to it, but I think that for now I need to focus on something else. I've been so caught up in self-betterment that I am forgetting to enjoy myself. To simply to enjoy my life. I feel like I am putting myself under so much pressure to BE a certain way that I am grasping too tightly and not allowing myself the parts of life that are so beautiful. Namely: nothing. Doing nothing, being nowhere, focusing on myself and selfishness and pleasure.

No, I am not advocating sitting around brushing my hair 100 strokes a night and wandering aimlessly through the streets. I mean to spend my time listening to music that makes my heart sing, and eating foods that make me smile, and singing along with the radio in my car. The simple pleasures that are so loosely tied to life. And there are pleasures that are more tightly wound, such as exercise, eating right, and daily writing on here. And I would like to keep those as well. But there is a balance that needs to be struck between looking towards my future and enjoying my present. I have faith that the two can somehow co-exist.

I went back and read some blogs that I had written on my Myspace between 2006-2010, and found some that I had forgotten about but very much enjoyed reading. One, in particular, struck me since I feel it is a habit I once had that I forgot to nurture. I talked about a book I had read that encouraged putting thoughts on a back burner. Not important ones and not permanently, but to take stresses and worries that I had and simply place them on hold. If I am stressed about something in my life, it is in fact OKAY to stop thinking about it for a bit. The funny part about these kinds of things is that a majority of the time if I just stop thinking about it- it will fix itself. So the goal was to take a stressor in my life and simply say to it, "goodbye for a while," and plan to come back to it if need be. Most of the time it will have gotten so bored waiting around that when you decide to come back to it, it has left you. It sounds like negligence but I assure you that it is not. It's simply your mind telling you to hold things in priority that ought not to be held there. And once you quiet your mind, the reality of what is and is not important sinks in. Does that make any sense?

So all in all, life is about balance. I've ALWAYS known this, but sometimes I forget. We should all practice the art of being fence-sitters(?) Ha, I know that sounds crazy but it's somewhat true. My goal is to sit, comfortably, between happiness now and happiness later. You can't pre-empt what your future will hold, no matter what you think. And so you stay here, where you are for now, and you look toward where you will be in the future. And you carve out paths that you hope will lead you where you want to be, but you enjoy the carving while it's happening. For example I am going to Europe in May. I can choose to focus on making sure I have the best time on Earth while I'm there, OR I can choose to have the best time on Earth planning for while I'm there. I can look at pictures, and get excited, and talk about my trip. The Now is the best part of any story. And, hopefully, the now while I'm over there will be the best part as well. But I'm going to let go of worries that it wont be and focus on right now. And being happy. And balancing the two. I think it's a nice plan. But it's okay if you don't agree.