The first time this happened was my very close friend who one day, for reasons I will not delve into, simply stopped being my friend. It was like one day we were BFFs, and the next I wasn't even a fly on the wall. It stung, and I cried A LOT. I actually ended up moving away from the place I was living because he was friends with all the people there and it became too difficult for me to deal with. I assure you- I have a point. I am not just trying to tug at your heart strings here. Shortly after that another of my friends stopped talking to me, and shortly after that another did. I had no clue why this was happening. I hadn't done anything to wrong these people. And I lost sleep over it. My friendships are very dear to me, and I hold my friends as close as family. So to me, it was like disconnecting with my brothers. I tried to figure out what I had done, where I had gone wrong, etc. It was only years later that I found out some of the issues these people had. And as it turns out, it was really nothing to do with anything I had done, but a series of events surrounding these people that were totally beyond my control.
I knew a guy who had a similar situation happen to him. His good friend basically "broke up" with him, and he was devastated. From what I had seen, he was similar to me in his friendships. He held them very high on his list of priorities. A while later he ended up discussing things with his friend and they more or less "made up," but it was still very strange to watch this from an outside perspective. I hadn't had that before, and it opened my eyes to what was really happening with these people who had left me in my OWN life. I assure you, I still have a point.
Recently I had a friend who got upset with me over something I had said. Not to him, but indirectly. Okay it was on Facebook. Lame, right? Well my knee jerk reaction was to grovel. To apologize over and over again. One lesson that I have learned in my life has been that even when you say something that offends someone unintentionally, it still hurts them. And I do not want to be a person who inflicts emotional pain on another person- be it intentional or not. While I may still hold to the statement or action I took, I always, always want to apologize for making the other person feel badly. And so I did. But after a time of upset, and explaining myself to this person, I started to feel differently. Because when you mess up there is a certain amount of apology that should be expected. And then that's it. They either forgive you, or they do not. Past that, if they are still upset with you it is out of your hands. And their upset is likely not as much to do with YOU as it is with THEM. This friend of mine got my apology, and I did everything in my power to make amends with him. And now my job is done. And we were "cool" for a minute, but then who-knows-what happened and now we are somehow not. And I could go two ways with this: grovel some more and beg for their friendship back -OR- let it go. And it sucks. Nobody likes to lose a friend. And no one likes to not know the reasons behind something like that (because I honestly don't). But at some point it's important to remember that the world does not revolve around you. This person has their own deal and their own set of whatever issues he has, and after my part in the friendship is done it is no longer my job to fix it.
It's hard to let go of a person in your life. We fight it, always. Especially when they are very close to you. But it's important to remember that we are in charge of ourselves ONLY. And no one else. We can only control our own actions and behaviors. And if you are satisfied with what you've contributed to something, there isn't much else that you can do. And sometimes, trying will only make you feel frazzled and a bit crazy. So you have to say, "I'm sorry that things didn't work out," and walk away. The role this person had in your life is now over. Their chapter is finished. And you appreciate what you gained from their friendship, and you leave behind any hurt you feel because you just don't need it. I'll leave you with a little ditty that I have saved. It helps me when I feel bad about this sort of thing:
LET IT GO !!!!
There are people who can walk away from you.And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you:let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.You've got to know when it's dead.You've got to know when it's over.
Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay.Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you...LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship...LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed...LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to...LET IT GO!!!