March Madness.

Alright, March. Hit me with your best shot. After a few months of developing my experience with goals, I can already feel the difference in who I am as a person. It's interesting: I continuously do this thing where I compare myself now to who I was a month ago, a year ago, 5 years ago... and the change is always DRASTIC. I imagine that's common. Who I was a month ago was scattered. Frazzled and uncollected. I was trying so hard to be busy and happy that I think a part of me wasn't really as "cool" as I tried to put out that I was. But I think I achieved what I was setting out to achieve, which was happiness. I delved into that a bit a few blogs ago. I think that someone can be happy, without being genuinely at peace. So came the laughter, and the fun, and the goings-on; but not the peaceful feeling in my gut. I still felt anxious, like I had something to prove. You can even read it in some of the blogs I've written almost as if between the lines it reads," See? Look how happy I am! I promise!"
For March I would like my goals to follow in the steps of peace. January was about busy work. February was about health. I think March needs to polish the peace in my life. The introspection that I am now ready for. I don't know that I was ready for it before. But I think I am now. For starters, I want to take longer walks with Nora. Not only are they beneficiary for my health but it's a really nice opportunity for me to get out there alone and just be with myself (No' doesn't count because she can't talk!). Secondly, I want to drink more Chamomile tea. I know that this sounds like a silly goal, but I can tell a huge difference in any anxiety issues that I have had in the past based on my Chamomile intake! Third, I want to focus on being more patient and forgiving. I am not a patient person whatsoever and I want to improve on just sitting with something until it unfolds itself to me. In the mean time, I should be more forgiving of people and situations that I feel are inconvenient. This is life. Let it be. Fourth: Somewhat unrelated but Nora needs to start being better trained. I would like to work on her spending more time alone in the yard without whining, and eventually (not necessarily this month) being able to stay at home while I go to work if I need her to. This means I will most likely need to get her a dog house and some outside toys to occupy her time. I also need her to learn to sit, stay, and come when she is called better. In other words, it's time for me to start training her. Which means I'm off to Barnes & Noble for some literature on what to do with my mutt. Lastly, I want to work on staying in more. And really just keeping to myself a bit more. Id like to go out on weekends, but I don't want to be a person who NEEDS to go out during the week just to pass the time. I need to cultivate my solo-self with the things I like to do on my own: Yoga, cooking, reading, movies, painting, etc. It occurred to me that I know some of the stuff I like to do alone, but I haven't really been working on doing them lately. Now is as good a time as any to focus on myself and what I like to do.

So we'll see how it works out. I think I got all my energy out in the past few months, so now it would be kind of nice to get back to mellow Megan. Knowing my life, however, this will be easier said than done. I already have plans for the next 3 weekends- one of which is a Vegas trip. So much for mellow.

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