Drive.

Isn't it funny how when you're trying to do one thing, quite the opposite inevitably seems to pop up? I have made my goal for March to be "more relaxed" and "Zen-like," and in return I have been more busy than I have been in months. It hasn't helped that I signed up for this 20 days of hot yoga thing. You would think it would make me feel like my life was moving more slowly, but I feel like I'm always running from thing to thing. I also noticed that my diet is massively important when I do strenuous exercise. To anyone thinking of doing Hot Yoga: eating steak before class is a bad decision.

The thing is, with all of this running around I haven't really been keeping to my March goals. Which is okay since I've already stated that goals are allowed to change. But it's still a bummer. My long walks with Nora are cutting short due to rain and yoga this week. And last week it was so toasty that drinking more hot Chamomile Tea sounded like a death sentence. At least my "staying in" has been panning out...

Anyways, in my attempt to get my mind back into focus here, I want to talk about motivation today. I have never been a very driven person. It's just not in my nature. And honestly, I don't think I want to try to force myself to be more motivated. I think it's a much wiser idea to simply place more things in my life that serve as opportunities to become motivated. And so this morning I had a thought: what has been my biggest motivation? I looked at the things in my life that I would consider "accomplishments," and traced them back to where they all began. It was sort of an interesting exercise. Especially since I'm not very ambitious, yet I feel like I have SOME stuff posted on my refrigerator. I think my top 3 accomplishments have been (in no particular order): Advancing in my job, Getting out of some crappy relationships, and planning my trip to Europe. These may not sound that fantastic to some people, but to me they have been (and will be- in Europe's case) game changers for me. I think about what motivated me to do these things. And I think it was a matter of my own mind saying "Enough! Enough wanting things and not getting them. Enough watching everyone else around you enjoy their lives and feeling left out. Enough basking on the sidelines with the C-Team and wishing you were in the game. THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH."


And I don't know how to put into words my exact moments of motivation, except to say it has been like a recovery for me. When Jill was in the hospital, the nurses told us that once she she started eating solid foods, her recovery would be expedited. I feel like that has been my story as well. It was like once I decided to drop into life, I hit the ground running. Life really IS a matter of mental decisions and swift action on them. "I don't want to live that life anymore. And so I wont." ...And then you just DO that. No second guessing, no reservations. I always think of it like a roller coaster. Once you decide to sit in that seat and pull the bar down, you're in- buddy. You're on the ride. And you may be scared to pieces, but I'm pretty sure afterwards you will have enjoyed it. And so, for me, I want to continue riding roller coasters. Because eventually I wont be afraid of any of them because I know I can survive the ride. What's the old saying? A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step... it's important to TAKE that step. I guess that's my motivation. What's yours?